Confession Of An Actress

I was excited to land an audition last week for a SAG feature film.  I got the audition information in an email from my agent, along with the sides.  (For those of you who don’t know, “sides” are the scenes that you read in the audition.)  I opened up the .pdf file to find that it contained one scene and two blank pages.  I read through the scene a few times, and then printed it out, feeling very good about the audition.  As the pages printed out, I discovered that the two pages that were blank on my computer screen were actually another scene that didn’t display properly for some reason.  As I read over this second scene, my heart sank.

This second scene required my character to be very upset and cry hysterically as she talked about her boyfriend who had just died.

Don't cry- Original art painting by Ireneagh

I can’t cry.

Okay, yes, I can cry if I’m sad or upset about something in real life,  but bringing up tears on the spot during an acting scene…that’s just not a skill I have yet developed.

And it doesn’t help that my dear hubby can cry at the drop of a hat.  I can command him to cry, and within thirty seconds the water works are in full force!

Needless to say, I felt like a complete idiot trying to get through that second scene at the audition.  I tried to play it my own way when I read through it the first time, but the director asked me to go back and read it a second time with the hysteria and crying.  Yuck, yuck, yuck!

Maybe it’s just one of those things.  I can’t roll my Rs either.  I can’t squat and sit back on my heels without falling over.

Or maybe I’m a bit of a fraud – it certainly feels that way sometimes.

Whoopi Goldburg once said, “An actress can only play a woman.  I’m an actor, I can play anything.”

For now, I guess I’m just an actress.

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